Give me ten seconds, close your eyes.
By then, my lips have ensnared your heart.
Give me ten minutes, hold and squeeze my hand.
By then I would have your trust.
Give me ten hours, hold me close and listen to my heartbeat.
By then you would know how I feel about you.
Give me ten days, make your days free.
By then I would have shown you my world.
Give me ten months, open your eyes and see the seasons change.
By then you would have seen me just the same.
Give me ten years, write down your wishes.
By then, our effort and patience will grant them true.
Give me ten decades,
By then our names would be forever lived as one.
Right over left, I cupped my hands together.
Lips murmured for an answer, head upward I looked up to empty space
Void, my voice devoid of emotions
Why do I ask? I wondered.
What is it that I want? my heart questioned.
My answer came. Her light unmistakeable.
Her heart, pure and unquestionable.
Dear god, my creator
I have met one of your beautiful creations
Who is she and why does she make me so happy? my heart questioned.
Her eyes light up like the fourth of July
When I set the fire in her heart
I held her hand tight when I looked at her, eye to eye
Dear god, you have given me your finest art.
Will she stay with me? my heart questioned.
She made me whole, never before I have been told
How she was my unintended
Uncalled for and how I realized how important she is to me.
Did you send me an angel?
I’ve taken a thousand snapshots of us in my dreams.
Tried to capture our love in four by six’s prints.
Cried for nights on end to make sense, tried to make it all worthwhile.
I was there when you need my hand, you pulled me down, grief stricken and took me on my last stand.
But baby you kick start my heart, i live for your smile.
And i knew you were all i need.
I sketched a memory of you, the prints had its day, faded away.
All i knew that nothing lasts forever, so i drew you, a sunflower by the bay.
I’ll pray lest it it be known to me that you’ll stay,
I know you wont ever leave me astray, so give me peace before judgement day.
And you knew I was all you need.
This last summer, you came to me, a red balloon on hand.
By the bay we met; I saw your smile, my sunflower and my god it was grand.
I took your hand in mine, your ring finger, placed my wedding band.
Your smile echoed three words I’d never forget, i love you.
And we knew we were all we need.
What makes me, me?
Do you see me, as what your eyes perceive of what I am?
Do you hear me, as what your ears whisper to you what I am?
Do you feel me, as what your heart tells you what I am?
I am flesh and bones, like you.
I am blood and water, like you.
I am alpha and omega, like you.
I am human, like you.
Do you know?
That I am a mesh of ideas formed from the travels I had in my time.
And in time to come.
That I am a body of gathered knowledge from the books i read,
And the books I will read.
That I am living the lessons from the people who hurt and loved me,
And who built and destroyed me.
That I am Anuar Tahir.
Do you know now?
That I am a just a physical embodiment of what makes me, me.
Here, a single point of time,
Here, a moment in history,
Here, nestled a seed you sow
Here, among the stars,
Here, where I have seen my scars,
Here, the space between you and me
There, beyond the high walls,
There, across the vast channel,
There, where the grass here has seen its days
There, lie a boulevard of hopes and dreams.
There, sit an avenue of quotes and supremes.
There, settled a street of notes and screams.
I am here.
I am there.
I am everywhere.
I am transient.
I am forever.
Tell me, what were you looking for?
I am a risk taker. I do not seek any form of assurance.
I am a calculated risk, the stakes high, exponentially rise as I roll the die.
I invite dangers lest I would be fearless in facing demons, my own durance vile.
I feel real pain no lesser than any ordinary man with no insurance.
I do not plead for comfort to end this misery. I do not.
I will not ask for aid to tide this fate. I will not.
I am tired of being at ease, a temporal, virtual moment of ease. I am tired.
I feel a strain, a strain along the walls of my heart.
I plead for the lessons to come thereafter.
I will ask for the tools to sharpen my intellect, to hone my instincts.
I will not grow tired of the battle. Of this everlasting battle.
I beg not for the stilling of my pain, but for my heart to conquer it.
For I am a conquistador. I will conquer my heart.
I wandered the earth, pillaged old and broken dreams of the lost and the damned.
I stole hopes and dreams of many, stripped and bore their souls to kingdom come.
War ensued; not of borders, not of ideologies, not of poverty and wealth, not of religion.
War; a conflict close and real. Prolonged and surreal. I am my own war.
I was knee-deep in dangerous waters. Those who delved deep, drowned.
Those who delved deeper, lost. I barely made it out alive.
I stood alone, braved the demons who haunt me late at night.
I was all alone. I saw the darkest shadow I cast on others, on myself. I was afraid.
In that dead moment, i looked at the mirror and saw myself, the harshest truth, of how regressive i’ve become.
It is from that moment, from that point on, i saw the need to torch myself.
To be free from the shackles of my own demons, the vines that root deeply, that entangle my heart.
It is from that moment, i fight.
In the end, I found something. The ashes of my old self.
I chased the sun before she left the sky.
She was there up high in the air; suspended in amazing grace.
She smiled down from the heavens, radiating life to us, to me.
She’s a powerhouse, embraced in her own celestial sphere, all she needed was faith.
The emptiness of space, written on her face.
Distant stars burn bright late at night, all for me, just a transition, just a phase.
What i’d hope to get a glimpse of her brilliance, bask under her warmth, once more.
I’d stare into the blank canvas of the night sky, wait for the stars to burn to their core.
Impossible. This is why i wait for tomorrow.
A watch is a watch; a matter
It has a certain weight; a quantitative scale.
This watch was a gift from my friends.
Granted, it’s a blend of sophistication and class. That isn’t the main point.
I love how comfortable it is, ensnaring; a tight good grip; resting comfortably on my wrist.
I’ve grown fond of it, it grew on me.
The weight of the watch has become all too familiar.
I know how it weighs, how it feels like.
It knows the the beat of my pulse.
This weight reminds me; it reminds me.
Ideas too profound, too complicated to describe
Simple weight; simple feel
This watch is my totem.