Life As a Newly Wedded Husband

A mini-blog series. I will write new stuff as the days go by.

As of today I am a 2 month old husband and counting.
A husband.
Husband.

I found it hard to believe that I am already someone’s husband. Well I had that feeling in the first month anyways. I am comfortably settling down well with the title now. Though it feels a little weird when anyone address me as a husband now and then. Before I took her hand, I knew that it is a huge undertaking. By that, i mean that the responsibilities as a husband that I have to bear is immense.

I still remember the Tok Kadi’s words (solemnizer) when he preached the duties that i have to perform and uphold when i take on the title of a husband. One of which being a provider for the sustenance of my wife. There are clearly more responsibilities in marriage in Islam that I have to uphold but i shall just mention that one. Those couples intending to marry and know more can learn on their own online but i advise to go for marriage classes. My wife and I went for Art Of Marriage. Link can be found here.  Its an express course; taking just one day to complete, from 9am till 5pm. Class is held at Kaplan City Campus @ Pomo. As the name suggests, it is conveniently located in the heart of town. Classes are arranged in a way where you and your partner will participate in a class full of other couples. Expect some group work though. But trust me, it’s gonna be fun.

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Shopping at Kilang Battery, JB, Malaysia

Well since i got that part about responsibility done, now let’s talk about what is it like being a husband. I’ve been asked this question many times. Which i kinda expect to be asked when i meet my colleagues, friends and family. Frankly, i don’t have a proper, solidified answer to give them because i am new to all of this.

I can only give impressions of how it is as a husband. So these are my impressions of being a husband. Note that i can only give an accurate answer only when i have been through the journey as a husband because i am a staunch believer that it is the journey that matters and not the end result. Impressions can change over time but i would like to keep it as optimistic as possible.

  • It is heartening to see someone I love at home, right after a hard day’s at work. Just looking at my wife brings me immense joy.
  • I love it when she recites the Quran after dusk prayers, it soothes my heart.
  • Having someone to eat breakfast and dinner with me daily has been awesome.
  • Doing the dishes is a combined effort, as much as she holds the title of a wife, i can also do in my power to try to help her. After all, the ladies and wives of today also hold a job. This is not 20 or 30 years ago where women were housewives.
  • I have to throw my bad habits and inculcate good ones in order to co-exist with my wife and new family. One bad habit is that i don’t make my bed. Yes, i know i’m a sloth.
  •  Render as much service and massage each after a bad or tiring day at work because who else is going to do it?
  • When i wake up and the first thing i see is her beside me, i feel like its the best feeling in the world.

My wife has been a dear to me. I was sick recently and had bouts of vomiting in the night. That happened when we had a night’s stay at Royal Plaza on Scotts. We had been looking forward to the staycation ever since we came back from our trip to New Zealand. My stomach had to play the fiddle and I couldn’t eat proper. The whole time I felt nauseous but thanks to my wife, she did everything in her power and love to nurse me back to health. She was selfless and caring. She treated me so well to the point where i worry she didn’t have enough personal time to care and pamper herself. After all, it was meant to be a staycation. I love her for being her and more.

This journey of being a family has just begun. It will be a transitive and evolving journey. I expect the highs and the lows but no matter what, we have to go through it together.

Oh and i cannot contain my excitement. Our HDB resale flat and keys will be ready somewhere in September this year. Shall update you guys in a separate post in the near future!

What Happened After All These Years + Marriage Prep!

My blog was in a very long hiatus.

This space has been kept in the dark close to 4 years. Right after I lost all motivation to write. There were many significant distractions or should i say goals at that point of time; finding a proper job to fund my marriage, finding my own identity and reshuffling my priorities. There wasn’t just much time to sit back and write.

But all is about to change. I managed to strike a balance between giving time for myself, my job, my hobby in digital arts(photography/videography) and the people around me especially now that I’m married. I have lots to write about how i got into photography and videography but i’ll leave all that in another blog post in the future.

Talking about marriage, I’m finally someone’s husband! I got married recently. I tied the knot on 19 March 2017. Approximately at 8.10pm, i officially pronounced my marriage with Nur Aqidah Bte Latif. At that exact moment in time, i managed to heave a sigh of relief, mainly because the buildup and anticipation of getting married is stressful. Since i didn’t opt for a wedding planner, my wife and I had to properly choose the vendors for our big day. Safe to say, the event went smoothly and I was grateful to those who came to grace the event.

The real heroes of the day were the vendors, my groomsmen and my family members. Without them to coordinate the event, it would have not been gone to plan. To those wondering which vendors i engaged, here is a list of them. Quick review to all of them as well.

  • NAFimages (Photographer) – Nuruddyn knows his stuff, i have been following his works on instagram. Wont leave you disappointed. You can check out at @nafimages on instagram.
  • REDTAPE(Videographer) – A high profile video and editing company. They shot for Suria before. Highly recommended for wedding shoots. Check them out at @redtapeprojects on instagram.
  • COMEL & MOLEK (Wedding Caterer and Decor) – Exceeded my expectations in every way. They blew me away with their designs. They made my void deck feel like a hotel ballroom. Check them out at @comelmolekwedding on instagram.
  • CHERRIESMITTEN (BMW Rental Car) – Car was in tip-top condition. Driver knows his roads and drove very smoothly throughout the event. On the expensive side though. There are cheaper alternatives.
  • THE WEDDING BROCADE (Bridal) – I need not say more. Im sure this came up in your list if you are planning your wedding. One of the best in Singapore when it comes to malay weddings.
  • AKRAB (Kompang & DJ) – Their energy and gusto in their performances is second to none. I thoroughly enjoyed their performance. They make your wedding 10x better. The crowd was highly impressed as well.
  • LYDIA’s OVEN (Pulut Wedding Cake) – Recommended by my cousin. Yummy is all i can say! Very fast and efficient when they set up the cake!

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As you may have noticed, most of them are top-tier vendors and they are the best in the field. With such high-profile vendors, one would expect to pay much. That is the price i have to pay. I had to save up close to 1.8k monthly in order to reach my goals. I had to sacrifice my time with friends and give up a lavish life of buying the things i want. It was all for a good cause and i had no regrets of doing so. Of course there were dates with my wife(fiancee at that point of time) but it was a rare occasion and we limit it to about once a week. Lucky for us, our jobs tire us after work and we will mostly rest up at home and message each other. Our jobs occupied our lives so we wont feel empty. We had a simple endgame in mind; being together at the end of the road.

We got together on 12 October 2013. We got engaged on the 11th of October 2015. Married on the 19 March 2017. From the day we were engaged to our big day, we had a year and a half to prepare. The time allocated was more than sufficient for us.  We just have to keep track of our savings. Just a few tips for those who are saving:

  1. Don’t spend more than what you need. Tempting yes, i have been seduced a lot of times but my wife prevented me from buying what i want. 
  2. Buy things that you only need. Necessary things such as food and drinks to keep on surviving.
  3. Do OT if your organization or company provides the facility to do so. I’m not a fan of doing OT but i’ve seen my colleagues save up faster because of it.
  4. Limit your dates. This is a killer if you date often because if often involves lots of money for transport, food, and or movie.
  5. Stay at home often. This is a no-brainer.
  6. Pick up a simple, no-frills hobby to fill your free time. Recommended and provided if your hobby does not require you to empty your pocket.

Last but not least definitely, there will be challenges headed your way from the time you are engaged till the day both you and your partner exchange vows. They will come in many forms. I found the challenge of saving up for marriage the most hardest because there are just so many distractions. Especially so considering im a techie and a videographer. So many things to upgrade and purchase. If you are reading this and finding a challenge to save, just wait a little bit longer till the day comes. After with every hardship, ease will come.

All the best to all who are planning to get married!

I am who i am. We are who we are.

I am Anuar Tahir.

As a Muslim who grew up in a Chinese-oriented environment, i had no problems socializing and sharing the things I love with my non-Muslim peers.  In fact, being in that environment helped me understand their beliefs and culture better. I treat my friends equally. Growing up in a meritocratic country taught me that there is no right for me to distinguish a person or a culture based on the colour of their skin. No one has the right to own anyone. Everyone is given a fair playing field and what comes out of it is your own hard work.  This also applies to Muslims for the chance reach out a helping hand to build Singapore’s future. If we are pre-judged for not being able to integrate well with non-Muslims, how are we then supposed to build a cohesive society?

I lived my life as a Muslim in Singapore and i go through the same struggles and pains in life like everyone else. I went through kindergarten where i was the only Malay/Muslim student. There wasn’t any Malay language offered so i took the opportunity to study mandarin. Throughout the two years, I enjoyed the company of my peers. I was in an environment where my peers spoke Mandarin. I had to integrate well with my peers, but that doesn’t mean that i need to forsake my religion. I had to make compromises to understand my peers better; i even remembered bringing packed lunches and i didn’t seclude myself from any of my non-Muslim friends. I cannot forget the smile on my friends faces when i shared my packed lunches with them. My religion taught me to give; no matter what race or religion they come from.

Everyone deserves to be respected for who they are. My non-Muslim peers have come to respect my religion as I have come to respect theirs. What made this possible was the fact that we are willing to understand one another. I am thankful for that because Singapore encourages us to live together as one. I am reminded through the recital of the pledge.

We, the citizens of Singapore,

pledge ourselves as one united people,

regardless of race, language or religion.

Primary and secondary school-goers recite the pledge everyday. Profession isn’t enough. We have to practice what we preach. I was a giver in secondary school. As an ex-NPCC cadet, i molded my squad mates; no matter what race or religion they are into responsible citizens. I was also active in voluteerism; i had several projects under my supervision whose aims are to help the society. One of my fondest memory was being a part of a project to raise funds for Metta Home; a home for the mentally challenged.  Big or small, i hope my contributions have an impact to the people i have worked with. I will never stop contributing because it is part of my life. A life shaped by my morals, family, friends and Islam.

We follow a code of life where it guides us to be a good person as a whole. We live our lives normally like any other person. I sit at the same table where my non-Muslims enjoy their food, I am willing to talk openly about my religion and discuss about its prohibitions. Take for example, I am prohibited from drinking beer or any intoxicating drink. The underlying reason is obvious. We want to be focused at all times and given any moment if we let our guard down, danger might be lurking around in one corner. Prevention is better than cure.

There is no denying that we want the best for our future; ensuring a safe haven and a land of opportunity for our children. To achieve the best, we have to make compromises but not till the point where we lose what is dear to us. To forsake my religion is to forsake my life. Islam is not just a religion, it is also a lifestyle which encompasses what is right and good for us; which includes on how to lay the foundations for an enriching society.

Islam has contributed much to the society ever since the dawn of the new world. We owe much of the technical advancements and magnificent feats to thinkers such as Ibn Sina who wrote The Canon of Medicine where one of his works introduced the idea of quarantine to limit the spread of infectious diseases. You might have studied algebra in secondary school. Do you know who discovered it? Al khwarizme.

All of these discoveries have paved the way for new innovations in the world. Drug and medicine testing owed much the Canon of Medicine. Understanding complex Mathematics equations such as quantum physics wouldn’t be simple without the help of algebra. These individuals gave much to the world.

Communication is key to understanding. It has been a part of me. Being ignorant will not bring us anywhere and many prejudices will form. Seek what you don’t understand. It is important that we seek a common ground. We have to set our differences aside and look at our similarities. Speak out but practice caution if have any doubts. We are all equal and we can live harmoniously with one another. We can live as one; building our future together.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mu%E1%B8%A5ammad_ibn_M%C5%ABs%C4%81_al-Khw%C4%81rizm%C4%AB – Al Khawizme

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avicenna – Ibn Sina

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Islamic_Golden_Age – Islamic Golden Age